Redemption: A Sue's Story
by satrinity
Summary: Where do Sues go when their authors want them to become decent people? This is the story of someone who finds unsavable Sues and puts them down for their own good, and the good of the multiverse. SUE KILLING FIC, REVIEWERS SEND ME YOUR SUES! T for safety.
1. Waking Up

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter, Twilight, My Immortal or anything affiliated with them. No money is being made from this; I am writing purely for enjoyment. ... and for a good grade in Creative Writing. I own Brionee Ware, the Crisis Center for Estranged Sues, Reality and that random UPS guy that will show up later on. I do _not_ own UPS.

**A/N**: If anyone has a Sue that they are okay with killing off or that could be one of the ones that goes through rehab, PLEASE TELL ME. I'll cite you and everything. Just SEND ME YOUR SUES!

**Redemption: A Sue's Story**

Chapter 1: Awakening

Shimmering lights. That's all that I could remember before waking up in what appeared to be a psych ward. Shimmering, rainbow-colored lights.

My mind was still clouded with whatever drugs were in the tranquilizer that I was being given through an IV. The mystery chemicals were listed on the side of a blue-green bag that hung from the shiny silver pole near my bed.

I thrashed weakly, trying to get up; my body was so tired, I probably couldn't even have achieved my goal without the leather straps on my wrists and ankles.

A mirror glinted slightly across the room from me in the dim light that streamed in from a small window. My reflection was as it had been for as long as I could remember: Hair as dark as a raven's wing, eyes like cut emeralds, porcelain skin…

… then everything shifted. For a moment, my vision blurred; when it cleared, I had changed. My eyes dulled to a color that was a few shades lighter than olive. My hair lost its strange, rainbow sheen and became simply black. My skin took on a slightly more human tone.

"Wh… what…" I was surprised by the raspy quality that my voice had taken on from lack of use. It had never done that before. Even when I had woken up after sleeping in, my voice had always been perfect…

"Are you awake?"

I started at the light, feminine voice. "W-who are you?" The woman was tall and lean, with a short, white dress, a small white hat and a head of curly blonde hair. The hat and clothes sported a small, red cross on the center of the hat and on the chest of the dress.

"I am a generic nurse," the woman explained with a giggle. "You'll see a lot of us around here."

This raised more questions than it answered, but I didn't feel up to playing Q and A yet, so I let them slide. "What do you have me on? I don't remember being injured…"

"Just a few anesthetics," she recalled, "with a good dose of Reality thrown in. It's the only thing that will cure a Sue, y'know."

I stared in disbelief. "A-a what?"

Her gaze became sympathetic. "You're in the Crisis Center for Estranged Sues, dear. You are a recovering Mary Sue."


	2. Cutting a Deal

**Redemption: A Sue's Story**

Chapter 2: CCfES

It has been over a week since I woke up in that room. As my memories returned, I was finally able to recall where my life made this hellish turn.

According to Mr. Kappa, the head doctor around here and the leader of the Mary Sue reformation attempt, my recovery from Sue-dom was at the whim of my author. If an author of a story actually wants their Sue to become a normal person and to stop being such an abomination, this is where they send them: the Crisis Center for Estranged Sues.

Once here, the Sue is given a heavy dose of Reality. Not reality; they don't have the kind of time that an intervention would take. No, Reality is a compound, ½ chemical and ½ magical, that makes a generic Sue an individual, and frees them from the strange sway that Sue-dom holds over its people. They learn to think for their selves, to respect Canon and to be a little more believable. They are put to sleep during the first dose, and then they are given several smaller doses until they wake up. Giving an active Sue Reality could kill them, seeing as how it corrodes the victim if they fight it. This is why there are so many Reality-based weapons around. If a Sue retaliates, then they must be put down.

I was captured, dosed, and kept as a success case. They have been studying me, trying to find out why I don't relapse like the other Sues that they had used this compound on. Apparently, the Reality compound is still in its experimental stage. The final stages of it, but experimental none the less. I could easily have died during that initial dose. During the next week, three other Sues were brought in; the drug worked on them, as well. My batch was, thankfully, the final product.

Not long after finding out this infuriating news, I learned something else: My creator is not responsible for my bill. Now that I'm an individual, I have to do things for myself, including PAYING FOR MY OWN MEDICAL BILLS. Seeing as how I don't have a _job_, however, they worked out a deal with me: I would pay my bills in favors. I was to become a temporary part of the recovery and retrieval team. I was charged with the task of going to various worlds in the multiverse and trying to convince Sues to come in for treatment. If they refused or, as they often do, got _violent_… I was to terminate them.

I had been given a new title with this task:

Brionee Ware, Sue Slayer.


	3. R U Redy?

**Disclaimer (once again):**I do not own Harry Potter, My Immortal or UPS.

Original chapter edited to avoid MI sympathizers finding out where I live and trying to beat me to a pulp.

**Redemption: A Sue's Story**

Chapter 3: R U Redy?

My first target was infamous. She had been plaguing the Harry Potter fandom for as long as anyone could remember. She was a typical Sue, with a dark edge. Her name was Ebony (or was it Enoby?) Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Sues almost always had long, nearly unintelligible names. I was a happy exception; who the hell wants to try and remember all of that?

It kind of makes you wonder. Did the writers of these fics intend to actually name their children something so long and tacky? It's like naming someone Ben when their last name is Dover. It just _isn't done_.

I checked the list that my employer had written out again; always better to be safe than sorry. I didn't want to shoot the wrong person, after all. Almost did that to Dylan in a Maximum Ride world. Wrong Sue at the wrong time. What a mess that was. That guy deserved it, I say, not that Sue that had been created to be Fang's other half. That girl was salvageable; there's no hope for the Justin Bieber look-alike.

The list was a bout a foot long, and had information on about twenty different Sues that I was supposed to go after. I had tracked a dozen of them already, which left Ebony at lucky number 13.

1. Draco Malfoy's girlfriend (I guess?): Check.

2. Harry "Vampire" (wtf?) Potter having an affair with Malfoy and generally hating Ebony's guts for no reason: Check.

3. Emo as hell, with an obviously angsty past: Double Check.

Yep, this was her. The main Sue of My Immortal was in my sights. I put the notes away into an obscure pocket in my trench coat, and moved in closer to examine the disturbing scene before me.

Ebony and Draco were… well, making out was too mild a word… in the middle of a Hogwarts classroom, which was filled with oblivious students, all discussing something in Sue-ish, the garbled language of the Sues. This place had been corrupted so badly that the residents of this world were taking on Sue traits. This was an emergency if I ever saw one.

I cleared my throat. "Ebony? Ebony Darkness… er… whatever. Miss Ebony, I think that we need to talk."

The girl, who had hair that looked like someone had thrown it into a blender with a package of Halloween effects makeup, looked up from her… moment… with Malfoy, who had red eyes for some odd reason. Probably a side effect of the Sue-dom.

"Ya?" she responded.

'Great,' I sighed mentally. 'More slaughtered spelling and grammar due to the Sue-ish…'

Sure enough, she began speaking like a five-year-old with a bad texting habit. "i don no what ur talking abot. why u tink im a sue?"

I sighed. This was where the majority of my headaches came from these days: Deciphering Sue-ish. The language itself was just insanely broken English, but it was also the result of either an author not having Spell Check or just not caring.

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way, Ebony. All that I want to do is help you. If you come with me, I'll get you medical assistance. We can fix this-"

"i don't ned 2 b fixd bitchz! Wtf is ur problim?"

I sighed again; she wasn't going to listen. There was only one thing left to do…

I took out my CCfES-issue walkie and radioed in a request for a Reality cannon. The reply was difficult to understand over the poor-quality speakers, but I got the gist: It was on the way. Ebony glared at me, then turned back to Draco and continued doing whatever it is that she had been doing before my arrival.

I groaned and walked over to a wall, which I then leaned up against as I waited for my package to arrive. I glanced up lazily, and then jumped in surprise as I spotted a somewhat insane looking Voldemort hanging from the rafters, screaming about telekinesis. This place was obviously worse than I had initially thought.

As I relaxed against the wall again, I grimaced as my hand landed in something with a gritty texture. I frowned as I looked down, and then scowled as I noticed the sparkles that coated my fingers. 'What the…?' I shrugged and wiped it off onto my jeans.

It took another few moments, but it eventually arrived. A UPS guy in full uniform walked through the doors at one end of the room, his focus on his clipboard. The middle-aged postman stopped near me.

"Brionee Ware?"

I raised an eyebrow. "That's me," I responded.

He glanced up. "Package for you. Please sign here." He held out the board, to which I added my name. He ignored my thanks, handed me a long brown box, then turned and left.

I ripped one end of the parcel open and pulled out a thick cylinder. I pressed a button on the side of the greenish hunk of metal, causing a trigger and a handle to pop out at a nearly invisible seam. The weapon mounted onto my shoulder much in the way that a rocket launcher does.

"Hey, Ebony!"

The girl turned and scowled. "what," she hissed, obviously angry with being disturbed once again.

I smiled. "Surprise," I called as I depressed the trigger. Her eyes widened in fear, and she scrambled away in an effort to escape, but it was too late. A beam of blue-green light shot out of the end of the cylindrical cannon and nailed Ebony square in the chest. The Mary Sue screeched wordlessly as she dissolved into a cloud of glitter, which dimmed and vanished as it scattered to the proverbial winds.

The insanity in the room instantly ceased. People shook their heads as if trying to clear them. Draco wiped black lip stick from his mouth and stared at it, trying to figure out where in the hell it had come from in the first place. A confused and slightly disoriented Voldemort fell from the ceiling to land on the floor with a dull thud.

"W-what in the world-?" I turned at the Boy Who Lived, who was currently frowning and looking around the room with a disturbed expression.

"Don't worry about it," I advised. "Just take a few aspirin and get a good night of rest. You'll be fine by tomorrow morning."

Before anyone could question me further, I turned and set off to find the next Sue on my list. I grinned as I read the name, glad that retribution was finally about to be delivered.

"Dylan, hm? Well, at least Fang'll be happy…"


	4. Enemies Come in Many Sizes

**Redemption: A Mary Sue's Story**

Chapter 4: Enemies Come in Many Sizes

The dimensional door that I took from the Center dropped me in front of an average looking house in a dreary and gray neighborhood. I sighed at how depressive the setting was.

'Okay,' I thought. 'Where am I now?'

I checked the next name on my list. "Number nineteen," I read aloud. "Isabella Swan of Forks, Washington. Super average type Sue. Character in an actual series. Typical damsel in distress." I shrugged. "Shouldn't be too hard..."

There were no real protocols for the average-type Sue. Most authors who created them didn't even realize that they were Sues until it was too late. Some didn't want to acknowledge the fact that they may have screwed up, and claim that they are in fact 'original'. This was my problem for awhile.

Average Sues result from the author trying to give them traits that don't make them stand out, but set them apart at the same time. Drab hair and eyes, average build, average intelligence, average ability in pretty much anything. The only thing that sets them apart is usually either supernatural or something like it. Even then, it's nothing special.

An author's feelings about their Sue determine how well they react to people trying to take them in for treatment. If the author believes that the Sue is fine the way that it is, then they will fight tooth and nail to avoid change. Unfortunately, this causes most of them to have to be put down. However, most average Sue creators are intelligent people, and will cooperate to help their Sue get the help that they need, making for much more docile Sues.

I could only hope that this Sue would be one of the latter types; I really didn't want a fight right now. I was tired, and almost to my 20-Sue quota. I had to get at least 20 Sues per week a single. A grand total of 10 favors in all. If I could make sure that the next three Sues cooperated, then I'd be a happy camper.

I made my way up to the porch and knocked on the door.

A girl with brown hair and eyes answered. She was a prime example of the Super-Average type of Sue. Everything about her screamed 'normal', to the point of abnormality.

"Can I help you?" She seemed unsure and shy, a typical Sue response to new people. I felt a sense of foreboding, a chill that raced up and down my spine for a few seconds as I stared at this girl. She was so much like how I had been, and it weirded me out, big time.

"Hello, Miss Swan," I began. "I am with the Crisis Center for Estranged Sues, and-"

The slamming of the door in my face cut me off. I stared at the wood paneling for a second, shocked by this action, so out of character for a Sue.

"Holy Hell," I groaned. "So much for an easy assignment." I jiggled the knob and found it locked, of course. I dashed around the back of the house and searched for a back entrance, and wasn't surprised in the least to find it locked as well. "I hope that they don't try to sue," I muttered before bracing my hands on the frame of the door and kicking the wooden barrier in.

Every light in the house was off, giving the entire place a sense of danger. I crept silently through the gloom, staying to the shadows that were cast by the afternoon sun filtering in through the windows. A set of stairs caught my eye, and I made my way silently up them, sidling against the wall to avoid creaky spots on the steps.

The upstairs was even darker than the first floor, which wreaked havoc on my nerves. My own heartbeat was loud enough for me to hear in the dead quiet. I stopped to listen, and sighed in relief as a small sound came from the room next to me. At least I knew where she was…

I pulled a dagger out of my waistband and a cloth out of my pocket. I had borrowed the weapon and cloth from the CCfES armory, along with a small bottle of reality, which I rubbed onto the blade to Sue-proof it. I stalked over to the door and gently pushed it open, dagger in hand. I was still trying to wrap my mind around the situation. I mean, an average Sue acting like this?

Something was up.

I pushed the door open. Bella was standing in front of a window, her back to me, talking to someone. I couldn't tell who it was; Bella was in the way.

I took a step forward, preparing to strike. A new noise gave me pause. It was a humming, like an electrical conduit running full force. I tried to turn around, but the person who had been sneaking up from behind me shoved the object into my back before I could.

As electricity arced through my body, I was reminded of something that a person had shown me once, before I had been rehabilitated. A buzz baton, commonly used by members of the Lower Elements Police in the world that I was originally written into. The memory ran through my mind as I fell to the floor and began loosing consciousness.

A girl stepped into my view, someone who I had never actually met, but who I could recognize anyway. She was about fifteen years old, and had curly blonde hair. A buzz baton was in her petite hand.

As she grinned at me, I felt a thrill of fear.

I hissed her name as if it was a curse.

"_Minerva Paradizo."_


	5. Relapse

**Redemption: A Sue's Story**

Chapter 5: Relapse

The child genius continued to grin malevolently as she adjusted the setting of the baton to increase the power of the device.

"Bonjour, Brionee. I am glad to have finally met the girl that managed to capture the heart of Artemis…"

I grimaced at the mention of my past. "That was the Sue spell. Of course, you know all about that…" I was, of course, referring to Minerva's status as a published Clone Sue. Clones are direct copies of a character in the original book. In this case, it was the main character, Artemis.

Minerva laughed. "Of course. There is, however, a difference between myself and you." She crouched down and got in my face. "I was written into existence by an actual author. You are replaceable. I am not."

I smiled jeeringly. "I am also not an idiotic Sue."

The French Sue smiled right back at me. "Oh, but Brionee, that is soon to change. Have you not noticed the state of your own well-being?"

I frowned in confusion, and then froze. I rolled slightly to free my hands; Minerva backed up to stand near Bella, who had moved to the side to reveal a guy with bronze hair and gold eyes, hanging just outside of her window. I assumed that this was her vampiric lapdog, Edward Cullen.

My heart nearly stopped as I lifted my hand and found more of the sparkles that I had encountered in that Harry Potter world. I wiped my hands on my shirt, but the glittering menace was stuck fast. To my horror, it also began moving; it spread slowly up my arm. Everywhere it touched, I could see my skin paling beneath, reverting to the pearlescent shade that it had sported during my time as a Sue.

"What the hell is this?" Minerva and Bella laughed at my panic.

"You're turning back into a Mary Sue," Bella exclaimed, an amused glint to her eyes. I glared at the two of them; there was no point in wasting a perfectly good glare on Edward. He was obviously under the Sue spell.

"_What did you do?_"

They both dismissed my question in different ways. "We did nothing, Brionee. That 'miracle cure' that you were given isn't quite as miraculous as you imagined."

I rubbed at my arm frantically, trying to get rid of the dreaded sparkles. They stayed fast, and even sped up a little in their mission to re-Sue me.

"So, what is this?" Bella frowned and moved closer to Edward, that little 'damsel in distress' thing acting up on her again. This was something that I would have to note for future reference: She gets uncomfortable if she's too far away from her 'hero'. He probably listens to her every word, as well. "This is some kind of take-over-the-multiverse plot, right?"

Minerva laughed, the evil sound almost ludicrous coming from such a delicate person. "Nothing so cliché. Our plan is something much more important, and involves much more than _our_ multiverse."

I started. "_Our_ multiverse? Are you seriously implying that there are others?" I rolled my eyes. "How stupid can you _get_?"

Minerva smiled coldly at my accusation. "Do not be so closed-minded, Brionee. Soon you shall see. Perhaps, when you are back to your natural state, we could strike a deal of some sorts. Allow you a cut of the spoils once we complete our venture."

As she was ranting her psychotic little head off, I rolled to the side and shimmy'd a small, half-dollar sized disc up from the depths of my pocket and allowed the floor to decompress the button on it. I smiled grimly as the pad vibrated, verifying that it had been activated.

Edward stiffened and glared at me. "We have to go," he informed Bella. It dawned on me that he could have been a Sue, too. A generic vampire guy…

The girl seemed perplexed. "What's the matter?"

"She had a locator in her pocket." I growled as he explained. Stupid psychics and their damn mind reading. "The elite team for the Crisis Center is on their way to retrieve her. They have Reality based weapons that even I would have a difficult time escaping."

Without another word, he gathered Bella and Minerva and leapt from the window, despite their protests. I stood unsteadily and stumbled over to the far end of the room to collect my dagger; it had flown out of my hand when Minerva had first shocked me.

I leaned up against the wall, panting and trying to get my second wind.

"_Freeze!_"

I dropped the dagger again and flung my hands out. Slowly, I spun around to see who the hell it was. Hopefully it wasn't Bella's dad. He was a cop, and cops tended to carry guns…

It wasn't her dad. A man in a black suit was positioned in the hallway and pointing a gun at me, as two other men in suits moved in behind him. I sighed; why hadn't I taken the time to introduce myself to the members of the crash team? Oh, right. Because I was an impatient idiot. I could only hope that that guy would show up, too…

"Stand down, you idiot! She's one of ours!"

… _bingo._

I smiled broadly. "Hiya, Chase!"

He ignored me as per usual, opting instead to yell at his subordinate some more. "I said to pull the gun if there was any danger! Does she look dangerous to you?"

The dumbass actually tried to defend himself. "B-but, sir! She had a knife! And look at her arm! She's obviously a Sue."

Chase rolled his eyes. "What are you talking about, you idiot? She's not a-" His eyes bugged as his gaze landed on my arm. "-_LORD AND LADY!_ WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?"

I leaned back onto the wall again, suddenly aware that I was ridiculously tired. "Bad run-in with a few renegade Sues. Bella Swan, Minerva Paradizo, and a Stu named Edward Cullen. They're up to something. Oh, and I'm apparently relapsing." My eyes drooped as I lost the energy to keep them up anymore.

Chase sighed. "Dammit… okay, here's what we'll do. I'll take you to the opps van out front, while the rest of my men search the house for anything that might help us catch them." I slid to the floor as I lost even more energy, and was nearly lulled to sleep by the sound of Chase shouting orders at his team. He was only a few years older than me, but the guy was still one of the most serious people that I had ever met.

I squeaked as he slid his arms beneath me and carried me out of the room. I glared up at him. "I could have walked y'know."

He chuckled softly. "Sure. You look like you could."

I turned my head away in an effort to ignore him. I turned back, however, as a question dawned on me. "How is it that all of you can get organized and get here in two minutes, but it takes the UPS guy, like, fifteen to bring a freaking package?"

He laughed again, but said nothing.

In the silence that followed, I made a decision.

Even if this mission was taken from me, I would hunt those three to the ends of the earth, and even further if need be.

I would stop them at any cost.


End file.
